Erskine Villa, Erskinville (Jun-16) (♦♦)

Erskine Villa, Erskinville (Jun-16) (♦♦)

Erskine Villa, Erskinville (Jun-16) (♦♦)

Though easy on the eyes, models can’t crack the Hollywood A-list because they can’t act. Erskine Villa is the food equivalent with its origins as a humble pop-up eatery. Bad flavours equals bad act. Sorry guys.

When I saw a preceding blogger call the menu ‘bold‘, I was intrigued enough to drag a few sorry souls out on a Saturday.

Course one has origins on the table of a hard working Asian farmer.

Autumn Congee –  jasmine rice porridge w/ slow cooked salmon, puffed wild rice and housemade granola – $17.50

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Wow, so similar to my go-to 100 Yen snack in the Tokyo subway which I recall to be salmon sushi. Erskinville’s version is deconstructed, stripped of the joyous seaweed and dusted with a few random rice grains.  At today’s AUD/Yen spot, the cost is 1,290 Yen (13x).

Two stingy coins of salmon lazily thrown a bed of plain white rice. Literally tasteless. First sushi roll I have ever left unfinished.

Heirloom Black Barley Salad roast pumpkin, tomato, radicchio, walnuts and buttermilk labne plus 63 degree eggs – $16.50 + $4.50

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If it’s not black, send it back‘- my philosophy on roasting pumpkin. Poor caremalisation means this grain-yogurt-pumpkin combo has saltiness but lacks sweetness. The textures are good however this dish needs 8 walnuts, not the 5 served on the plate.

Time for emergency poached eggs. I’m told boiling water at 100 degrees is not ‘in‘ and so I downgrade to 63 degree eggs.

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I burst the yolk expecting an eruption and am met with a anti-climatic response of viscosity. Appropriate for theatre, not for flavour. Overall, not a remarkable salad.

Right now the morale is low and that’s where you go with tried-and-tested flavours…

Bacon & Egg Roll bangalow dry cured bacon, fried egg, sriracha chilli mayo – $13

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As shown below, they are not shy with chilli mayo…

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Much safer play than the others. Nothing overly memorable and to that end, I’ll only comment on the bacon. Of the two B&E Rolls ordered, one had soggy bacon and the other crispy. Quality control?

Finally the coffee. The optimistic sees the cappuccino as generously dusted. The pessimism will be frustrated by the contamination on the handle…I hate sticky fingers.

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Score summary:
(♦=terrible, ♦♦♦♦♦=superb)

– Food (♦♦) – innovative but flaccid on flavour.
– Value (♦♦♦) – pricing is OK, portions mediocre.
– Other (♦♦) – food slow to arrive, awkward payment area, not a great vibe.
– Overall (♦♦) – creativity gone wrong. If avo-on-toast is your benchmark, then avoid Erskine Villa.

Will I be returning?
No

Self- preservation….when a review is bad, my photo is not shown for obvious reasons. Better to put my wife (and daughter) instead.

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Erskine Villa Menu, Reviews, Photos, Location and Info - Zomato

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